Audrey is still doing good
I drove down from Bettendorf Thursday morning at 9:30. My childhood friend, Merry Fishel (Simpson, Frazier, Marvel, Perkins) was here from Alabama to attend the visitation and funeral of her father, Hod (Harold) Fishel. Her mother passed away in January of 2000. I remember my mom and I went to see her at the hospital after Merry's sister, Sherry, told us their mom was ill. I will always remember looking into the hospital room and seeing their mom Shirley sleeping on the bed. I just the her from the back. Her hair was thinning and she looked so frail. I did not want to go in, but Mom did. She didn't try to wake her. She agreed that she didn't look well. Shirley died soon after our visit.
Anyway, I stopped by Flowers by Suzanne on S0uth Seminary Street and I chose a planter to take to the Funeral Home. Because of the price of gas, it costs $4.00 to deliver the plant. I told her I was going to knoxville anyway so I would deliver it. When I got to the funeral home, I thought the door was locked so I left the planter outside the door. I then went to the resale shop at the Presbyterian Church at the corner of Main and Market. Then I went to Dad's. It was 11:00. I sat and talked to him for a couple hours then I went back up to the nursing home to Hod Fishel's Visitation. Merry was there with her 2 girls, her son, husband and grandchildren. Sherry was standing by their dad's casket also. She talked to me more than Merry did. I told Merry that I would call her sometime in the next week. I left there and went out to the Nursing Home to see Mom. She was in her room over by the window. She was looking at the JC Penney's Catalog that Dad had given her. He wants her to choose a new outfit to wear. She was looking for undershirts and pajamas for Dad. She had written out the order and asked me to call it in. She told me she wants to call her sister, Marge, in Arizona. My phone was not fully charged. She said she is waiting for Steve to come and she will use his phone.
Steve and Roxie did come the next day and mom got to use Steve's phone to call Marge.
Audrey seems to be getting better
Donnie and I went down to see Mom and Dad on Saturday, September 24th. Barb was visiting with Dad when we arrived. Barb wanted to take 4 decks of cards to Mom at the nursing home so she could play hand and foot. Barb left about 30 minutes before we did. When we had arrived, they had played 2 hands and Mom had dealt out the cards and she had counted her own cards at the end. When Donnie and I walked up, Mom looked so bright. She didn't have the usually blank look on her face. She didn't say the off the wall stuff she has been saying. When we started wheeling her back to her room, she asked if I had seen Irene. I thought she meant her neighbor, Irene Allen who has not been to see mom since she went to the nursing home. Dad said mom had mentioned her the other day. So I thought, here we go. But she was refering to Irene Bruce, Bev Clark's Mom. Irene is on the same wing Mom is on. I got to see her. She had fallen down earlier this week. She really hit her face hard and now she has a big welt on her right eye and the whole right side of her face is black and blue. Irene is also disoriented. She can't wear her glasses Mom reminded me that Irene's glasses have always been sooo thick. So, when Mom told Irene who I was, she didn't recognize me. Mom kept insisting to Irene that she knew me, she told her, "remember, I have to children, Steve and Cindy". Irene just mumbled something so we finally gave up trying to make her understand. Anyway, more about Mom. Barb, Donnie and I went out to the courtyard with her and showed her the animals. It was a little humid and it was hard for Mom to breathe so we went back in after just 10 minutes. I took this picture while we were out there. She looked so good. I had told myself that I would not take any pictures of her looking bad. I thought I would never have another good picture of her. I am so glad I had my camera with me. Barb rolled her back to the sitting room with the big TV and the bird aviary. Donnie and I sat there and talked with her. I felt she was with it enough to hear the news that Jake had moved out. She said Dad had already told her. I told her not to worry because he has a real nice roommate. She seemed to accept the situation. The only odd thing was when I wheeled her back to her room. She insisted that she wanted to put on her pajamas and get in her bed and rest. I told her it was 4:30 and it was suppertime. She said she had already ate 3 times (I think she had a snack). I was halfway waiting for an aide to come help her change into her pj's. But she was able to undress herself and put on the pajama top then she swung herself into bed and was able to remove her pedal pushers and put on her pajama bottoms. I tucked her in and I left. I told an aide where she was at as I left. Dad went back out an hour later to take her her shoes and an outfit to wear to church today. She was sound asleep so Dad didn't wake her up and came right back home. Dad said he was going to go to the church service there with her this morning at 9:30. I told him Donnie and I would go out with him and then leave at 9:30 to go home. Dad decided he would just stay home. So, Donnie and I went out at 10 til 9. I went in to see if she was ready yet. She wasn't in her room. I checked the eating room and there she was. She was all dressed up and had on her wig, but she looked lost this morning. She was talking slow and was not as bright as she was yesterday. I took her back to her room to put on her lipstick and then wheeled her to the church service. They were starting 15 minutes early so I left her there and told her goodbye. She seemed contented to be there. She was looking forward to singing. So that is the update. Dad went out later and stayed for nearly 2 hours. He said that they tried to put a 100 piece puzzle together. He said she found more pieces than he did. Dad says it is easier for him to visit with her because she doesn't beg to go home like she used to.
One more thing I was to say, Mom asked me when Dad was going to finish the remodeling on the house. I asked if she meant my old house that Dad just bought. And she looked at me and said, no, the apartment house. She said she was tired of living in the room between the 2 apartments. So apparently she doesn't quite understand what is going on.
13 days after Audrey went to the nursing home
This has been quite an experience. I should have filled in more before this. The days have just melted into each other. I was able to rest a couple days knowing that Steve and Roxie were at Dad's. Monday, the 12th was the first night Dad had spent alone in the house. He said he did pretty good with that. Donnie and I went to see him on Tuesday the 13th. I brought down a picture to place outside of mom's room at the nursing home. She just laid there most of the time we were there. Fill in here.
On Sunday afternoon at 1 p.m., Dad called and he started crying and said that he needed us there. Donnie and I fed the animals and packed a bag. We were in Galesburg in less than 2 hours. I had called Aunt Barb Perry to see if she could go over and see how Dad was doing. Buster went instead. Dad told Buster he was going to start the depression pills. Buster apparently didn't hear Dad and asked him why he wasn't taking the depression pills. Dad got a little upset and Buster went home. Dad was sitting on his back porch when we got there. He was glad to see us. Steve had called at 1:30. I had to call him back. He asked me if the pills had kicked in yet. I told him that these kinds of pills take at least 2 weeks to work. He argued with me and said, "No, they should work in 2 hours." I told him how my ex-husband had taken depression medicine and even though you want it to work right away, it doesn't. And sometimes after 2 weeks it might not be the right stuff. But anyway, there are other things out there that do give instant relief, so Dad was going to call his doctor in the morning and ask for Vallium. Dad had also decided he was not going to go visit Mom 3 and 4 times a day. He decided once a day would be plenty. It was weighing on him because once he got home, he just had time to soak in what had happened and then he had to go back out again. Mom keeps asking Dad if she can go home and she wants to go with him when he leaves. At about suppertime, Donnie and I went out to see Mom. She was sitting in a recliner out by the nurses station. The chair was right next to the TV where she couldn't see it. She doesn't watch TV much anymore anyway. She asked about Dad. She says he never comes to see her anymore. I just assured her that he would be in to see her soon. The helpers came to take her to supper. I suggested they move her back to her room. They came back later with jello and onion soup. Dad has requested that family members not be obligated to feed her. I tried to get her to eat some jello but she didn't want any. The helper came back in a few minutes later and was feeding her big spoonsful of jello and she was eating it. I told mom that we were leaving and we left. We went back to Dad's. We just sat around talking. I called Sherry at her work at Dick Blick's and told her we were in town. I told her we would meet her at her trailer at 10 when she got off work. Her boyfriend, Daniel, and his friend, Demond had been busy getting it ready. We didn't stay long and we went back to Dad's at about 10:45. Dad decided that he wanted to sleep in the side bedroom so he could get up and work out in the morning. We had washed the sheets on his bed and we slept in his bed. It was strange to be sleeping in my parent's bedroom. All the things around that reminded me of Mom. I didn't get much sleep and then at 2 a.m. a storm started brewing. It lightninged a lot then the rain came down in sheets. Donnie and I got up at 3 am and had watermelon and musk melon. We laid back down around 3:30. I woke up at 7 and dad wasn't in the kitchen yet so I laid awake until I heard him walk to the kitchen. We sat and drank coffee until Donnie woke up at 8. Dad called the Doctor's office and the doctor ordered him some valium. I made pancakes and sausage links for breakfast and we put the left over pancakes in a bag. We went out to see Mom about 10:00. I stopped to talk to Joyce Dowell as I entered the ward and then I heard someone say, "Cindy". It was mom. She was sitting in her wheelchair, with no cap on holding a cup of water. I went over to her and she asked if I had seen Dad. She said they had wheeled her up there and she was waiting for him to come get her to take her home. I just told her that Dad would be by soon and then I just started talking with her. Since she was in her wheelchair, I pushed her out of the ward. At the doorway they have a cute bunny in a cage. I asked her if she knew what it was and she said a cute bunny. I asked her what color it was and she frowned and thought and said brown, and I said it was a blackish brown color. We proceeded out toward the dining room and there are big pictures of flowers on the wall. I asked mom what kind of flowers they were and she looked but didn't say anything. One picture was of tulips and the other was of daffodils. We went back into the nurse's station area and talked a little more then Mom said she had to go to the bathroom. A male helper was there and he said that he could take her. So I told Mom I was going to go look for something and that I would see her later and I got out of there. Donnie and I went back to Dad's and he was already back from the Galesburg Clinic and he had already taken his vallium. We took him to the old Markham's restaurant for dinner. Dad had some kind of breaded fish, Donnie had a 1 lb. catfish and I had a large taco salad in the shell.
When we got back home, we sat around for a little while then Donnie and I left to come home. Let's see.... that would have been Monday. We decided that we could pack up Tuesday and do the same thing so we did. I will write more about that in Part 2 of this long boring story.
Day 3: Watching Audrey
It is 6:30 am on the morning of September 9. At 3:45 am Dad made the decision to put Mom in a nursing home. He has come to realize that we can't be resposible for watching Mom 24 hrs. a day. He had me call hospice. I told them how Mom was being a little combative and when Dad tried to help her up to go to the bathroom she said he was hurting her. They suggested she take a fast acting Morphine pill and an anxiety pill. The pain is the secondary problem. There is no pill that can help out problem. We just can't take the chance of her getting up in the middle of the night and trying to stumble to the bathroom by herself. She could fall and break a bone and then she would be in even more pain. Dad is almost 80 years old and I can't be here every day. We could hire someone to be here but right now that is not an option. Dad stayed up from 3 a.m. I asked him if I could go lay down at 4:30 and he said that I could. I slept for nearly 2 hours when Dad came in and said he was going to go over to Barb's and tell them that he was going to put Mom in a nursing home. He called Barb up and went over there at 6:30. He came back and said that Barb and Buster agreed with his decision. Barb was coming over at 8 to help me watch Mom. It is 8 now. Dad just left and Barb is calling Mom's friend Ramona Stickell.
Dad came home a little before 9:00. He said that Knox County Nursing Home will take her and that representatives were coming soon. Two ladies came a little after 9. A gal named Marti went into the livingroom to tell Mom what we wanted to do. We had not said anything to Mom. Dad went into the other room. I stood in the kitchen and took out my camera and put it on movie mode. I mainly wanted to record the audio. I didn't want to take pictures of Mom. I was so out of it, I don't even remember doing it. Marti very elegantly told Mom that Dad was no longer able to take care of her in order for his (Dad's care) and for her care (after talking to) Dr. DeYong, her friend Anita Myers, and these ladies at Community Hospice, (Mom said Uh huh) Marti continued and said we would like to bring you to the nursing home today so we can care for you. (oh Mom sighed) Marti asked, "How do you feel about that?" (I had never thought about it. What if Mom broke down?) But Mom understood what was being said to her and she replied "ooh... well, I mean, it's all right." Marti said, "It won't be easy but I think All right's a good word." Mom mumbled something and then said plainly, "It's kinda hard to get someone to...." Marti understood what Mom was trying to say and said, "Yea" Then Marti asked Mom, "Can you tell me a little bit about how you feel?" "Oh" Mom said in a voice that sounded like she really hadn't thought about it. There was 7 seconds of silence and then she mumbled something. Marti didn't understand either but just said, "Is it?" and Mom said "uh Huh" then Marti said, "Well, that's fine" then asked, "Are you having any pain right now? And Mom answered with a drawn out, "No-o." Then Aunt Barb came in and told Marti that she gave her pain medicine at quarter after eight and that Dad had kept a log of everything he had given her. Then Marti told Mom she was going to let her rest while she went around the corner to see what medicines Mom was on. And said if she had any questions, they'd be glad to answer them.
I am glad I captured the audio because I can go back over it and review word for word what was said. Things can be translated and interpreted differently under stress. I am including this because Dad did not want to face Mom when they told her. I hope this will be a comfort to Dad someday. It has been a comfort to me already.
Hospice will still take care of Mom at the nursing home which is nice. She got to take her own oxygen with her. Also the wheelchair, walker and potty chair. Aunt Barb Perry packed her pajamas and robe for her. We found some of her turbans but the last couple days we have not put a turban on her. Her hair is starting to come back a little.
When I went outside, someone was walking across from Ada Olin's house. It was Carole Olin Mullins. Her dad had died from cancer in March. I had never taken the time to hear the details. I have a desire to learn from others their experiences with cancer. Most are more than happy to tell their stories. I think it is theraputic for both of us. Carole's dad had been diagnosed for 5 years but didn't get bad until the last year. Irene Allen came over also. This is all to much for her and I understand. I asked her and Carole if they would like to come in to see Mom. Carole accepted my invitation but Irene tearfully declined and walked back to her house. Again, I understand. So I brought Carole in and she said hi to Mom. Carole works 3rd shift at Knox County Nursing Home and has for years. She told me that they were bringing about 50 people to the Nursing Home this weekend that were victims of Hurricane Katrina. That should be interesting. I hope it doesn't affect the care of the regular patients.
When the ambulance came, Dad was given the option to go to the nursing home and start unloading his van or he could wait until Mom was loaded up. Dad chose to go to the nursing home. I sat there undecided and finally I decided to follow Dad. I did take a picture of the ambulance guys coming in the front door. As I was leaving I drove past the ambulance. There was a hauling truck that was in the middle of the road. I got around it and then thought I would like to have a picture of the ambulance out front. I did a u-turn at West Main and Park. I went to take the picture and forgot it was on Movie Mode and I took 4 seconds of Movie before I realized my mistake. Then it struck me. I had made my own CD with me singing karaoke songs. The song that was playing when I got in the van was "We May Never Pass This Way Again" by Seals and Crofts. It had been sung at my high school graduation back in 1974. I had always liked it. Because Dad has sold the Apartment Duplex and the fact that Mom was leaving, I decided to play that song and video around the Apartment. I took pictures of Mom's Flowers that she had planted in the spring. She had to have wood mulch put around them. We had gone to Lowe's to buy it in the spring. There was Dad's rain barrel at the end of the spout. Dad's Convertible was in the garage. I was able to video the back porch. Then I focused on the drive going out to South Street. A FedEx truck was coming from the West. I decided that was enough video taping and as I reached Park Street, I noticed they were bringing Mom to the ambulance. I was just focused on documenting the event. Then I went around the house again. I got a picture of Dad's bicycle wheel contraptions that are on either side of the drive. I swore I would accidently hit one someday but I never did. This round around the house I focused on the rest of the neighborhood. I looked North to Mr. Wilt's house and was able to video Barb and Buster's Garage. Then I spanned over to the house that Dad built for us in 1964. Alan Allen lives there now. I focused on the drive again and as I was ready to drive out, Carole and her Mom Ada were driving past on South Street. They both waved. The song was still playing in the background. As they drove by the words to the song were "You make me feel like more than a friend" then the tag line "We may never pass this way again" played as Carole and Ada waved. Could not have scripted it any better. I forgot the video was only 3 minutes long. I continued to follow the ambulance east on south st. and up to main st. He went straight and I went down main and out Market Street. I met the ambulance again at observatory house across from James Knox Park. I had taken a picture of Newman's Community School as I drove by. Both mom and her dad had gone to school there. Not actually there. It was out South of Knoxville but several years ago it was brought in town and placed in James Knox Park. But that is another story in itself.
As the ambulance headed toward the Nursing Home, I found the song, "She's an Eagle When She Flies" on my CD and played that for a minute while we pulled up to the front of the Nursing Home. Others might think it is a crazy idea, but to me this brings me comfort.
Dad had already taken some things in. He had left the back of his van open. I took out a bag of stuff and headed inside. I asked what room she was in and I was told 362.
When I got inside wing 3 I had to decide if it was A or B side. I chose B and while walking down the hall I saw a lady that looked familiar. It was Mrs. Anderson. (Doris) I called her by her name then I asked a nurse if that was who it was. But Mrs. Anderson answered me. I asked her if she remembered me and she said that she did. Who is Mrs. Anderson, you ask??
She knitted, crochetted and crafted and sold her wares in the merchant's tent at the Knox County Fair for several years. She always wore a man's straw hat. Not a wide rimmed one but the one that were shaped similarly to a cowboy hat, but even a smaller rim. I told her about Mom and I told her I would be back someday to look at her stuff.
I continued down the hallway and found Mom's room. She was laying there in a narrow bed with no side bars. I felt I had to stay there until someone could watch her because she might try to get out. She had a roommate named Mrs. Barfield from Galesburg. I spoke to her daughter who was there. She looked like she was in her mid-fifties. She also looked familiar. I asked if she had worked at Maytag but she said that her sister did but I can't remember the name, I think it was Sims. Anyway, I started up a conversation and found out about her Mom. She had been in the nursing home for 3 years. She was in her final stages of cancer. I had opened the curtain so I could keep an eye on Mom. Then a nurse came in and it was Vickie Clayton Hutchins. I had gone to school with her. I talked to her about other classmates. I really didn't know her very well in school. Then Mrs. Barfield's daughter asked when we graduated and we said 1974. She said she had graduated in 1975. Galesburg? she asked. Knoxville! Vickie and I almost barked back. After Vickie left I talk to the gal again and told her I knew people from the class of 1975 at Galesburg. I told her about David and Ed Stoneking. Not only did she know them, she had lived 2 blocks away from them on Brown. What a small world.
While we were talking a man came into the room and was documenting stuff Mom had brought. He also took her clothes to have them tagged. The gal said that he would be the one to talk to about getting railings on Mom's bed. So I walked over to him and asked him about that and he said he would look into it. Then he told me that he was with the laundry department mainly. I asked his name and he said Dick Biddle. I said he probably didn't recognize me but I was Jim Cahill's cousin and had sang in Jim's group back in the 70's. He said he remembered me then. I also asked if he was still married to Linann Lynch and he said he was. It was a busy morning.
Then a nurse came in with food for Mom. There was chicken noodle soup with big noodles, crackers, tapioca pudding, and applesauce. I asked if her food was being monitored and the nurse said no. I had been told earlier that I could go through the food line, but I couldn't leave until Dad came back. Apparently he was filling out a lot of paper work. I asked Mom if she could eat and said she didn't want anything and dozed back off. I sat by the bed and ate her soup. I also ate her pudding. I figured if she wanted more later, she could get it.
I had called the house to see if Barb (who was manning the phones) had heard from Steve. She said he and Roxie were on their way over. She also said that I needed to call Sherry. So I did. She was on her way to work but Barb had filled her in. I told Mom that Steve was coming and asked if she remembered that Steve was her son. She just looked at me and I thought this might be bad. But when Steve came in the room, she did recognize him. She didn't know who Roxie was which I think hurt Roxie. Roxie followed me out of the room and we stood out in the lobby where the big bird viewing cage is at. She was having memories of when her mom died from Lung cancer a few years ago. She gave me a couple hugs and I went back to Dad's. I had planned on getting some rest but I decided to call a few people. So I called Aunt Barb Johnson who had not heard anything about today. Then I called Aunt Marge who had heard from Aunt Kate. I also called Ramona Stickell to tell her what room mom was in. Then I called Lorene Brownless on the corner to fill her in. Irene Allen had brought over a KFC Meal. I called them to thank them but they were not home. I also called Donnie and talked to him. I finally decided to rest and less than a half hour later, Kate came in. She stayed for nearly an hour and then when she left I noticed that there were glasses that needed to be washed. As soon as I started washing them, Dad came home. I told him I had to lay down. He said Steve and Roxie would be there at 6. It was 4:15. I took the phone with me and laid down and called Donnie again. I finally got to sleep about 4:30 then Dad woke me up at 5 and said Steve had brought me a sandwich. I came out, ate, then the guy that was picking up the hospital bed came. I went around the house picking up my stuff and made sure I didn't forget anything. The bed guy got done, then Steve and Roxie were leaving to go see Mom. Dad said he would be there soon. I didn't want to leave him alone, but I had to go, too. I told Dad that what we did was right. He agrees to a point but he still feels guilty and lost. We were both in tears when I left. This has created a new bond between us.
I drove home and would cry once in a while but I knew that would impair my driving. I was so glad to get home. I laid down about 7:30 and I can't remember when I woke up but it was before 10. It is now 2:30 am. I am exhausted. I better get some sleep. It has been quite a day. I will correct things if I think of something else later.
Day 2: Watching Audrey
I sat at the computer last night until a little after 5 a.m. this morning. Dad came out and checked on Mom. I asked if I could go to bed at 5:30. Dad said yes so I went out to the side bedroom and just laid on top of the bed and tried to sleep. I woke up at 7:30 to go to the bathroom and Dad and Aunt Barb Perry were sitting in the kitchen talking. I just waved to them and went back to bed after going to the bathroom. Then, at 8:30 the telephone rang.... and rang... and rang. Four times. When I came out to the livingroom, Mom had her feet over the side of the bed. Dad had moved the phone to the other side of the room on Tuesday. He didn't want Mom answering the phone. Luckily she hadn't tried to get up to answer the phone. Dad had stepped out for just a couple minutes and had missed the phone call. They had left a message and it was Hospice. They were sending someone to give Mom a bath this afternoon. They wanted to make sure it was all right. Dad came back in soon afterward. I called my brother Steve on his cell phone to let him know that Mom did sleep peaceful last night. He said he was going to come up to be with her this weekend and he would call later on to let us know exactly when. Then Verda called. Dad told her to come on over and we would have McDonald's Double Cheeseburgers for lunch. Verda did come over but didn't stay for lunch. I called Donnie at 10 while Verda talked to Mom. Later she came out and talked to Dad and me for a while. We talked about cooking things in the microwave. I showed her and Dad how I make bread that is crispy in the microwave. Verda was impressed. Later, she went back out to the living room to talk to Mom. Soon, Uncle Howard Johnson dropped by. He had pictures of the new houses he is having built on the South side of town near their home near Eiker Acres. Since there were so many people in the living room, I came out here and got on the computer. I was going to go mail some packages but I was blocked in by Howard's and Verda's vehicles. Howard soon left. Later I heard Verda tell Mom goodbye and how she will miss playing cards with her. She is leaving tomorrow to go back home to Arizona. She and another lady from Cambridge are going to drive all the way to Arizona. They are both in their 80's. They are brave women! I don't even like to drive through the Quad Cities on the interstate.
Verda had been here for over 7 weeks. At least 3 times a week she, Aunt Barb and a third would come over and play cards or the marble game with Mom. It really kept her mind sharp. (I had taught myself to play pinochle online in hopes of playing with Mom on the internet. That never happened but now Pinochle is one of my favorite games to play on the net. ) To ramble on even further, as I write this (11:30 pm September 8th) I am sitting in Mom and Dad's kitchen. I just looked over in the corner of the room and saw the green felt roll which Mom used to roll up the puzzle pieces when she would put a puzzle together. Several times we would come visit and help her do her puzzle. I will have to see what puzzle is in there and try to finish it some evening.
Back to today, as Verda left she gave me a hug and told me to take care. Aunt Kate had called this morning also. She has a lump under where she had had her breast removed. She had missed a doctor's appointment yesterday but was going to see the doctor today to see what to do with the lump. Dad invited her for the Double Cheeseburger lunch also. So after Verda left, I went up town to mail my packages and go to the resale shop at the presbyterian church. I went to the post office right at 11:30 and found out they close an hour for lunch at that time. So, I got back in the van and went to the resale shop. I saw lots of women there that I know. One was Hertha Mathers who doesn't speak to me but I don't know why. I also saw Rose Burgess. She asked how Mom was doing. I told myself I was going to keep a stiff upper lip when I went this time and I did good. I just told her the facts. Then I saw Lorene (sp) Brownless, and I talked to her. As I was paying for my stuff, Mary Dawson walked in. She is always so nice to me. I told her that I was never very sympathetic to her about the loss of her 2 husbands. But she said that what she has been through makes her want to show sympathy to others. I got out of there a little teary eyed but not bad.
I went to McDonald's and got our lovely lunch of 3 Double Cheeseburgers and a small fry to share. When I pulled into the driveway, there was a social worker at the house and Aunt Kate pulled in before me. I parked out front even though it was garbage day, I was sure they could get around me. As I walked down the drive, the S.W. was getting ready to leave. She said that mom looked better than she did Tuesday. We didn't talk too long though because I had to take lunch in. Dad was sitting at the table waiting for us. He had beverages waiting. I got some chips from the cabinet below the counter and we had a nice lunch. After we ate Dad tried to give Mom some broth. She wanted to hold the bowl herself. At first the broth was not warm enough. I heated it back up and she took a few sips. Then Dad gave her some water. She wanted to hold the little glass glass.
We searched the cupboard for a sippy cup but couldn't find one. Aunt Kate suggested asking Aunt Barb across the yard. Dad was so determined, he wanted to go to the store and buy one. I walked over to Aunt Barb's and only Buster was home. He searched the cupboards and only found a lidded insulated cup. Barb had just came back from golfing and she found a 12 oz. glass with both a sipper hole and a spill proof straw hole. I brought both back and Dad used the latter. Mom puts the straw up close to her mouth but has to be told to put it closer to drink. She really likes to hang on to it.
Aunt Kate had followed me to Barb's and didn't come back in. She was on her way to see Uncle Martin then the Doctor. Not long after she left, I was doing dishes and the hospice lady came to give Mom a bath. I was surprised to see that it was an old schoolmate, Jackie Boone Underwood. I met he outside and she said, "Well, Cindy!" Then said, "Is this your mother?" and I said "Yes". We talked all the way in and then I helped her get wash rags and a bowl. Dad went to the store and I went to the side bedroom, turned on the TV, got out Mom's old Gibson guitar and started strumming while I waited. The bath was soon over and Jackie and I chatted more. Then the phone rang and it was Caroline Smith. She had made a prayer blanket for mom and wanted to bring it to her tomorrow. I said that would be good. I asked again who she was and she said she was Mom's Vice President at the Women's Club. Mom and been looking forward to her first Women's club meeting as president two days ago. Then all this happened. A week ago she could have made it but all has changed. So I told Caroline that I had to go, and I talked to Jackie more and followed her out to her truck. She told me her mom died a year ago Oct. 3. I told her that that will be Dad's 80th birthday. Her mom died of pneumonia and there has been a riff between her oldest sister and the other 5 kids. Apparently, she took everything. That opens a whole other ball of wax around here. I don't know how we will divide up Mom's possessions. There is Steve and I and then there are the Granddaughters and Grandson. I hope we can do this without disagreement.
It sure was a busy day. I can't remember when the call came in, but another social worker came by at 3:15. We had all been trying to nap. She was expected a little earlier but her lateness was a welcome extra 20 minutes rest. She is kind of the person that makes sure we are all mentally healthy. A gal that golfed with mom at Lake Bracken died from the same disease on Saturday the 3rd. This mental health lady wanted to make sure that mom is not feeling overly sad about this lady's death. Dad explained that since they quick Bracken several years ago, they really haven't socialized with these folks so it is not like a close friendship. But she explained it is close to what mom has and it might disturb mom in that way but Mom assured her in her own way that she was not feeling sad for that. Dad assured her that he has no suicidal tendency and doesn't hear voices or anything. I am getting involved in the caregiver mode and feel that this has been the best way to go. The gal stayed for a few more minutes, reassured us to call anytime and then she left.
That brings us up to about 3:45. Dad had to give mom some more meds and them Aunt Barb came over. I told them that I needed to go over to Sherry's and since Barb was there, Dad let me go. Dad had jokingly asked Barb to teach him how to tap dance. She showed her tapdancing moves and I showed what I remembered from tapdancing school back when I was 6. Then I "waltzed" out and headed over to Sherry's. When I got there, it looked like it was going to rain. I had brought my limb cutting hand tool and we went out back and cut the tall branches off the mulberry bush that was growing in front of the northeast bedroom window. We striped the branches for the leaves to feed to my Silkworms. Then she, Daniel and I headed off to Salvation Army to see if we could find cheap stuff for her new trailer. We had to mail my packages first. It was 4:30 when we got there. Mail pick up is at 5. I just about missed them again. Anyway, we got that done and we went downtown. They are installing a new drainage system downtown. The south side of Main street is all tore up from Seminary to the Square. We cut up Prairie Street when I got behind a car with the license plate of Fireof 3. Mom and Dad had talked about a couple from Bracken who had fought lung cancer and won. This looked like an older couple, and with a license plate like that, I am pretty sure it was them. I followed them to see if I could stop and talk to them but they turned and I didn't follow anymore.
At Salvation Army we found a lot of things. I found a Date Phone game that I can always sell for nearly 10 bucks. Sherry found a 3 light track light for 7 bucks. I found a new digital scale for 12 bucks and we found other odds and ends. Two things that I found were a bubba bear with a flashlight and a vintage 1978 hungry hippo game without a box. Neither were priced so I was unable to get them.
While we were there, the rain really started coming down. Sherry's D.J. friend was on the radio saying there was a thunderstorm warning. There had been 2 big rumbles of thunder but there was no big winds, just a lot of rain. It was getting dark from the storm clouds. We went straight back to Sherry's and then I went to HiLo to find some pork chops for supper. I knew Dad had navy beans that needed to be eaten so I bought some corn bread also and sure enough, when I got to Mom and Dad's, he had the beans ready. We cooked the corn bread in a little toaster oven. Before we ate, Dad offered Mom some ensure and some water. Then we ate. Mom sat up in her bed and put her legs over the side. I was afraid she would fall over and hit her head. Dad was also. So after we ate, Dad took her some fruit and fed her some. Then he sat next to her on the bed with his arm around her. It was such a touching moment, I left the table and went outside and cried. I took my cellphone with me, but for some reason it wasn't working right. I wanted to talk to someone. I caught Sherry at home but the phone was cutting out. So I came back in the house through the garage door, snuck into Mom and Dad's room and got the cordless. I called Sherry back and then I called Donnie. I really miss him. It's good to talk to him and the long distance is free.
Later, a little before 7, Dad decided to take a shower. I was sitting with Mom and told her I was going to do dishes. She said we would have to mark that on the calendar. Through all this, a sense of humor. But realized I couldn't do dishes because he was taking a shower. Soon after he came out, I did dishes while he shaved. Later we helped Mom walk over to the big chair with the use of her walker. She got tired of sitting there. She keeps saying they want her to sleep. So we reclined the chair but she stayed awake. I asked her if she could read the clock to see what time it was but she just stared off into space. Then she said she needed to use the bathroom. Dad had me position the portapotty in the middle of the room but Mom insisted she could walk to the bathroom. Dad and I both knew it wasn't a good idea, but we had the walker and decided to let her go for it. We did ok until we got to the bathroom door. She asked if she needed to go left or right. Then we found out the walker is too wide. We told Mom she would have to use the portapotty. She told us "NO!" She would hold on to the doorway and wiggle her way around to the toilet. Dad had me go get the wheel chair from the side bedroom. Boy, that thing was heavier than I thought. I got it up the stair into the side room and then unfolded it for Mom to sit in. She didn't want Dad "pinching" her. She sat down and we said we would wheel her to the portapotty but she got right up and was still determined to go to the regular potty. We sat her back down, put her feet on the foot rests and pushed her back down the narrow hallway. Air hose if everywhere. We finally got her to the portapotty and Dad helped her with her clothes while I went to the other room. She said a couple times she didn't know if she was done or not and finally said she was. Dad tried to help her with her pants but she was standing on the legs. I helped Dad wiggle them back on her and we walked her, with the walker to the bed. Whew! That was the first time she had actually gone potty. We made it worse than it would have been. Live and learn. Mom laid back down and tried to rest.
At about 8:45, I went and laid down. There is no alarm clock in the bedroom so I turned on the TV and watched Fox news while I slept. I woke up at 9:40 and then 9:50. I came out. I told Dad I was ready to take over. We came out to the kitchen and had peanut butter, crackers and milk. Dad felt bad that we hadn't tried to give something to Mom, he took her some ensure. Then he came back and we ate our food. We wer eating, talking and watched the news. Soon Mom said, "She said Grandma." I thought I might have mentioned her as Grandma in a sentence. Dad asked her again and mom said with more concern, "She said Grandma" The she continued to say, "Emily's lost, have they found her yet?" Dad just assured her that they found her and Mom just stayed calm and didn't say another word.
After we ate I called Donnie one more time. I came back out and Dad was watching Jay Leno in the livingroom. I went out there to join him and he couldn't hear some of the punchlines. He kept looking at me and said, "I didn't hear, what did he say?" Then Mom spoke up in a stern voice and said why don't we just turn it off if you can't hear. So we did. We came back to the kitchen and Dad decided that he would try to go to sleep. So he went to bed at 11 and I started writing here on the computer. I didn't want the sound of the keys to bother Mom so I quit until I knew she was sound asleep. So here it is, nearly 3 am. What a day this has been. I get to go home tomorrow.
Mom just woke up with a jolt. She said she needed to use the toilet. She was going to walk by herself. I begged her to let me get Dad to help her. Luckily she waited. I woke Dad up out of a deep sleep. We got things situated. Mom didn't want to use the portapotty again. Dad finally persuaded her. I know some of this is a little graphic but it will let people know what we have gone through.
Watching Audrey
I packed my clothes this afternoon after Dad said that he needed me here. I didn't bring all my silkworms like I was going to do. I just brought the baby ones. I don't think Dad even knows that they are here. Donnie stayed home to take care of the pets. He still wasn't feeling well when I left him. I finally contacted Sherry at 3 p.m. I told her about Mom. She had already taken half a day off of work so I asked her take to the rest of the day off and come over to Mom and Dad's with me. I met her at her house at 6:45. We got to Mom and Dad's and it was just in time for Dad to give Mom her meds. Mom woke up, Dad told her we were here and she asked if Donnie was with us. So she is still pretty much with it. Dad locked all the doors so they could have some privacy while he gave her her meds anally. She had not been able to keep anything down today so the nurses decided this was the best way to give her her meds. Sherry and I cleared moving boxes from the bed in the side room. We came back in and Dad told me to call my brother Steve. I did and he wants me to keep him informed about Mom's condition. He gave me his cell number so I can call him anytime. Then Sherry and I sat and talked with Dad for over an hour. We talked about her new trailer and how Dad wants to remodel the house on Pearl St. Sherry's boyfriend, Daniel, came to the door at nearly 9 p.m. After they left Dad woke Mom up one more time so she could reposition herself on the bed. She was able to sit up by herself but she was a little wobbly. I noticed that she was pulling at the front of her pajama top. In the information book that hospice gave Dad, it says that in the latter stages pulling on their garments is a symptom. She was able to scoot herself up in the bed and went right back to sleep. It is 12:30 now. I told Dad to go get some sleep at 11:30. We had sat another hour talking. He told me more about his time on the ship, USS Manila Bay, when he was in WWII.
I enjoy hearing his stories. I hope he is resting now. Donnie and I have gotten into the habit of staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning. This will come in handy tonight because I plan to stay awake all night until Dad takes over in the morning. We knew this time was coming, but it still doesn't make it any easier.
Dad called today. Mom is not doing well
Dad called at 11:00 to let me know that he needs me to help him with mom. She has taken a turn for the worse. He said that 2 nurses are there with her now but he is going to need my help this evening. I am taking this all in stride. We knew it was coming. I need to stay strong. Me? Strong? Who 'bout them Cubs? We are going to make it through this. It is a process of life. This will be my first close encounter, and it is the worst kind. This helps out my diet because I am not hungry. I have to get stuff together to take with me. I don't know how long I will be there. I am going to take my silkworms with me. They are in a 6 drawer plastic organizer on wheels and they don't take up much space and they don't stink. I hope Donnie and Jake can batch it at home. I don't know about the yard sale on Saturday. We really need to go through with it if we can. It is the only Saturday Sherry will have off in a long time.
Here I am talking about me, not Mom. But until I see her for myself, I won't know how to handle things. I have never been a caregiver except when I was in 7th grade and Lynette Sauer and I were Candy Stripers. That was over 35 years ago.
The price of gas here in the quad cities is $2.99 across the board. I haven't found it cheaper anywhere. Illinois is over $3.09 so I will fill up before I go. This is going to be quite an adventure.
Audrey has back pain early this morning
Today is Tuesday, September 6th. It is the day after Labor Day. I called to catch Dad before he went to his lawyer but he had already left. Mom answered. I asked how she was doing and she said not too good. She called her nurses at 3 a.m. this morning because her back was really hurting. The nurse suggested Tylenol. That didn't help any so Dad called up and asked for Morphine. Mom had taken it at 2 p.m. When I called at 2:30 she said it wasn't really kicking in. While I was waiting for Dad to call about the house. Aunt Kate called. She said she had seen Mom earlier today. She said she did not look well and wanted to let me know.
Because mom is on hospice, she would have to pay to go to the hospital as well as have any tests to see if it is something else.
Dad called at 4 and said that he had been to the lawyer and that he was fixing up papers for the house. He also found out that my property taxes were due today so Dad went to the courthouse to pay them. Dad didn't seemed too concerned about mom. Hopefully this is something that will be fleeting. She has been doing so well. If this is her time, I hope it comes quickly so she is not in pain for long. It's going to be a strange, stressful month.
Audrey goes to her doctor
Today is September 2. Mom went to her doctor today to get an update about her cancer. She would like to have another scan to see if the cancer is coming back to her brain. Because she is on hospice, Medicare will not pay for the $900 procedure. In fact, they won't even pay for her office visit. I knew they put her on hospice too soon. At least in my opinion. The doctor checked her responses and told her that she doesn't show any affect of the disease. That is good news. Mom says she wouldn't want to go through Radiation again because she was lucky the first time not to have serious side affects. So she is just going to keep going like she is. She says she gets out of breath sometimes but other than that, she feels pretty good.
This is going to be a busy month. Sherry officially owns a trailer. Jake officially owns his car. Mom and Dad almost officially own my home in Galesburg. Bob Coffee is going to do the repair on my house to get it ready for Mom and Dad to move into.
