Audrey passes away 11/21/05 at 8:20 p.m.
It's 1 a.m. I guess that would mean it is November 22. It has been an interesting 28 hours. At about 8:30 on November 20, we were called by the nursing home saying that Mom's breathing had changed and that her nail beds were turning purple. Donnie and I were at the house on Park St. Dad gave us a call and said that he would be over. I called Buster's and Barb was not at home. I told him we were all going out to the nursing home. He said he would go find Barb and they would come out also. Dad drove through the drive way at Park Street and told us to follow him. When we got to the nursing home and saw how Mom was doing, Dad decided that we should start an around the clock watch. When Barb got there, she said that she could come in at 10 a.m. We told Dad we could watch her until 2:30 a.m. Dad said he would go home and get some sleep and we were to call him at 2:30. He said that he would call Howard, mom's brother, in the morning to see if he could come out. So I called Dad at 2:30 and he was there at 3. I will transcribe the notes I wrote between 1:40 and 2:30 that night. Donnie and I still had to unload stuff from our van at Dad's Pearl Street house. So we did so at 3:30 a.m. We got to Bettendorf at 4:30 and decided to go eat at Ross's. I will write more about all this later. Before I go to sleep tonight, I need to tell about Mom's passing. We didn't get back to Galesburg until nearly 2:30 p.m. I called the Nursing Home on their portable phone number. I asked to speak to whoever was watching Audrey in her room. The aide asked me, "Do you want to talk to Audrey?" What a question to ask me! I told her I would love to talk to Audrey but I didn't think she was in any condition to talk on the phone! Anyway she gave the phone to Barb. Barb asked us to relieve her at 4:30. We were there about 4:15. When we got there, Mom was breathing very heavy. There was a rattling sound. I asked Barb if that was what they called the Death Rattle. She asked a nurse and the nurse concurred that it was. (I've always liked that word, concurred.... I wish other would do it instead of fighting about little stuff, but that is neither here or there. )
I got use to the sound after a while. It was very rhythmical. There was no shallow breaths, just several labored breaths one after another. They had hooked her up to oxygen again. Donnie thought it was a form of life support but I felt it was something for comfort and the nurses concurred. (There's that word again!)
I called Dad at 5:00 and asked when he would be out again. He said he was planning on taking the 2 a.m. watch. I told him he should come out now that Mom would not probably last until then. So he came out and Donnie and I let him have some private words with Mom. He didn't stay long and we went back to the room. Barb finally came at 7:30. So did Aunt Kate. They said that Donnie and I could go get something to eat and that we didn't have to hurry back. So we took off, not knowing that we would never see Mom alive again.
We went to the Gas Station at 150 and County 10 and got something to eat. Donnie got a sandwich in a bag on the Gas Station Side. While he bought that I ran into Mr. Tarocione my 7th grade Language Arts teacher. He told me that his church had Mom on their prayer list and he gave me a hug. I went over to the Subway sandwich store next door and got the daily special of turkey and ham. I asked for what I thought was sweet teriaki sauce, but it wasn't. Anyway I told Donnie we should go see Sherry. I had called her earlier and she said she had left work early because she could not concentrate thinking about Grandma.
We called and told sherry we were on our way. When we got there, Sherry and I hugged. Then I showed her how I have Gotomypc on the computer. I was able to view my entire hard drive from her computer. It is really nice, but it costs 20 bucks a month to have it, but I have a free 30 day trial. We were also able to work with my webaudio plus. We worked extra long on that until finally I decided we should go. We left sherry's and went back to the nursing home. It was about 8:35. When we pulled in the driveway, I saw Dad's Van in the Handicap parking space. I told Donnie, I bet she died because dad would not have came back so soon. Because it was after 8, we had to use the side entrance. Sure enough, as we crossed the dining area, Aunt Barb and Aunt Kate came walking toward us. "She's gone, isn't she?" I asked. Barb shook her head yes as she came towards me. I asked when and Barb said at 8:20. They had come in to turn her on her side and her eyes started rolling back and she eventually stopped breathing. (At least I think that is what Barb said, I was only half listening, I was just concerned that I wasn't there.) I saw dad down the hall at the nurse's station and went down there and gave him a hug.
He grabbed a nurse and we went to the library and started talking. Barb had called Steve. He said he had called but our cell was off. That is why I wanted him to use the nursing home's number because we don't use our phone for incoming calls. Anyway, that is neither here nor there. Dad said we would not wait 2 hours for Steve to see his mother. I will write more on this later. It is 1:33 and I need to get some sleep for tomorrow. I have typed up a partial obituary with a few facts so the process should go quicker. I need to get some pictures made so we can have a nice picture selection. Because of Thanksgiving, I will have a couple extra days to get things arranged nicely. Right now, I am in a calm state of mind. But I could cry at the drop of a hat. I told Donnie that it isn't the fact that she is gone, it is the memories that make me sad. But we lost Audrey 73 days ago when we had to bring her to the nursing home. We found a little spark of the old Audrey at the end of September and the beginning of October. Then we slowly lost her again. Was it the disease or the medicine? We will never know. Probably both. But she had a good life, I am a better person for having her as my mother, and I will miss her.
And by the way, to that nurse's aide who asked..... "Would you like to talk to Audrey?" My answer now would be a resounding YES!!!!
Audrey takes a turn for the worse November 18, 2005
I will fill in the best I can what has happened in the last 5 weeks later. I need to write these thoughts down now while they are fresh in my mind.
Donnie and I drove to Galesburg today to see Dad. They installed the new garage doors on his house yesterday. It really looks nice now. Inside looks so small. He still has a lot of boxes to empty. We went over to the Knoxville house and there is still a lot of stuff to move from there. I was going through the spice cabinet when the phone rang. A lady asked if Dad was there. Thinking it was someone trying to sell something I said, "Not at the moment, can I take a message." She asked who I was and I said his daughter. She said that she was with with hospice and asked if Dad had been out to see Mom today. I told her he had and he knew she wasn't doing well. She said that she had been out there and Mom was not responding to anything. Then I went and got Dad and he came in from the garage to talk to the lady. He told her he understood that Mom was doing bad and they talked a little more and then Dad asked if they would contact him when she was nearing death. They said they would try but sometimes it isn't possible. When Dad got off the phone, he told me what had been said. Although we were in the middle of packing things, I told Dad I would take him to the nursing home and he agreed to go. So Dad, Donnie and I went in my van. As we walked in, Bev Clark was there. She came over to us and told us her mom broke her hip. I told her we were there because Mom is on her death bed. It was almost like I was trying to top her story. Her mother, Irene Bruce, has been through a lot. A day after we took mom in on September 9, Irene was admitted because she had fallen down and had contusions on her face and bruises on her body. She was just up the wing from Mom. On a day that Mom was doing good, she and I went to see Irene because she had been moved to wing 1. Irene was not in her room but Mom's bedspread was. We told the nurse at the station that we were sure it was ours so they stripped it of the bed and gave it back to us. A few days later, Mom wanted some scissors. When I asked her why, she said that her roommate wanted to have matching bedspreads and Mom wanted to cut the bedspread in half. I took it home to Dad's and I bought some scissors at Dollar General for a dollar and cute it in half width wise. A few days later when I visited her, the beds were matching.
Anyway, today when we went to see Mom, she was laying in her bed looking peaceful. I had always thought that people who were dying of lung cancer would be wheezing and coughing, but she was laying there breathing lightly. All we could do was look at her. Dad and Donnie left and I stayed behind. I touched her arm as I left. I also took out my camera and took a picture. Like I said, she looked peaceful.
We went back to the Knoxville house and grabbed a few more things and went back to Galesburg. As we sat there, Dad repeated again that he looks forward to having a bouquet of flowers on the table to make it look like a home. He asked if he wanted him to order pizza. I told him I could get a good frozen pizza at the store. So he gave me a 20 and I decided to go to HyVee where I could get some fresh flowers. I also had a box to mail before 5. It was 4:30 so I went to the post office.
When I went to HyVee, and parked the van, I was walking into the store. Coming toward me was someone and as I looked closer, I could see that it was Jeff Ring. He was a year behind me in school and went to my church. I said, "Jeff?" and he looked and smiled. He was surprised that I recognized him. I told him that I think it was is aunt that bought Dad's apartment house but he said it was his sister. He said that they didn't say the name of the guy they bought it from and he would have known it was Dad if he heard the name. He didn't even know exactly where the place was. I told him about Mom and he gave me his sympathies. He reminded me that his Mom died several years ago and his dad died about 5 years ago. We both agreed it was hard to go through. He said he lived in Woodhull with his wife. I told him it was good to see him and let him go on his way.
When I got inside I went to the floral department. I asked the girls if they had any cheap plastic vases. They said no, the cheapest they had was a small glass vase. I told them I would just use a glass. Then the other customer at the register said, "You don't remember me, do you?" I recognized him as Chad Jennings but I couldn't think of his first name so I was silly and said, "I remember seeing you on January 7, 1981" He said, "Yes, that was a long time ago." I said kiddingly, "Don't you remember?" and he laughed. He asked what Sherry was doing and I told him she was working at Dick Blick answering phones. I also told him about mom. He told me he felt sorry for me. Anyway, after he left, I explained to the girls there that his mom was my roommate in the hospital. That is when I remembered what November 18th was. That was her original due date and she didn't have Chad until January 7th. I started crying because I was so overwhelmed by everything. That is neither here nor there. Finally, when I got in line to pay for the flowers and the pizza, there was a girl in front of me. I looked at her and I said, "Barb" and she looked at me. It was Barbara Ball, Julie Wolfe's step sister. She was the one that ran away from her foster parents the Byerly's when she was in high School. She finally contacted her grandmother a few days later. I asked Linda Wolfe if they ever told the Byerly's that she was O.K. and Linda said, "No, they have so many foster kids going in and out, they wouldn't care." What? These people are caring enough to take in wayward teenage girls and care for them, and one of them runs away under their watch, and Linda "thinks" they don't care? I remember I told Wendell Byerly (who worked at Maytag) that Barb had called her grandma and she was safe. He should at least know that.
So, a lot of memories flooded me in less than a half hour. It was almost too much for my brain to comprehend.
Anyway, I got the pizza home to Dad's and he said he didn't save any pans. I knew I packed them and went looking for them. We finally used the rack out of the toaster oven. The pizza didn't quite get done in the middle but it was still good. After we ate I remembered where the cookie sheets were at.... I had put them away! Oh well.
Dad decided that we would all go to the nursing home again at 6:30. When we got there my cousins Cindy and Cheryl Chism were at the front desk with their aunt Beth. I talked to them about mom. Beth reminded me about the 3 good weeks we had with mom, and we did. When I got to wing 3, Mom's roommate was sitting out by the nurse's station. I stopped and talked to her again. She feels really bad about Mom. She wanted me to tell her that she loved her and she was praying for her. I told her that even when Mom is gone, I would still come and visit her. I have met a lot of nice people at the nursing home. I will be back for sure. Dad and Donnie had already gone down to Mom's room. They were just sitting there. Mom looked exactly the same as when we saw her earlier. We didn't stay long and we took Dad back to Galesburg. I cleaned out some things from his refrigerator then Donnie and I left. It was about 7:30. We got home at 8:20. I called Dad to let him know that we made it home. Then, I talked to Sherry on the phone for a few minutes. I tried a new game of www.pogo.com called Quick Quack. It plays like Uno. You "shoot" carnival ducks that either have the same number or same suit. It is addictive. But I had more important things to do. I started writing an obituary for Mom so we don't forget anything to say. Then it came to the part about kids and grandkids. I emailed my brother to see if we should include our step kids and grand kids. Either way is ok by me. I need to get some pictures put together. Donnie and I are getting our clothes ready to take to Dad's on Sunday. We are planning on spending the night on Sunday. Then we will play it by ear. Who knows when Mom will pass? She is not receiving any kind of food or liquid so it should be soon because she really hasn't ate much in the past few weeks. I must say here that Monday night when we went to see her at supper time, she was in the room with people that needed to be helped fed. In front of here was a Ham Sandwich, Corn Curls, and I think it was corn. There was also Chocolate pudding and orange juice and apple juice. They knew she has not been eating. Were they really expecting her to eat a ham sandwich??? All in all, the care has been good. They are just people.
