Audrey's Lung Cancer Story

Day 3: Watching Audrey

It is 6:30 am on the morning of September 9. At 3:45 am Dad made the decision to put Mom in a nursing home. He has come to realize that we can't be resposible for watching Mom 24 hrs. a day. He had me call hospice. I told them how Mom was being a little combative and when Dad tried to help her up to go to the bathroom she said he was hurting her. They suggested she take a fast acting Morphine pill and an anxiety pill. The pain is the secondary problem. There is no pill that can help out problem. We just can't take the chance of her getting up in the middle of the night and trying to stumble to the bathroom by herself. She could fall and break a bone and then she would be in even more pain. Dad is almost 80 years old and I can't be here every day. We could hire someone to be here but right now that is not an option. Dad stayed up from 3 a.m. I asked him if I could go lay down at 4:30 and he said that I could. I slept for nearly 2 hours when Dad came in and said he was going to go over to Barb's and tell them that he was going to put Mom in a nursing home. He called Barb up and went over there at 6:30. He came back and said that Barb and Buster agreed with his decision. Barb was coming over at 8 to help me watch Mom. It is 8 now. Dad just left and Barb is calling Mom's friend Ramona Stickell.
Dad came home a little before 9:00. He said that Knox County Nursing Home will take her and that representatives were coming soon. Two ladies came a little after 9. A gal named Marti went into the livingroom to tell Mom what we wanted to do. We had not said anything to Mom. Dad went into the other room. I stood in the kitchen and took out my camera and put it on movie mode. I mainly wanted to record the audio. I didn't want to take pictures of Mom. I was so out of it, I don't even remember doing it. Marti very elegantly told Mom that Dad was no longer able to take care of her in order for his (Dad's care) and for her care (after talking to) Dr. DeYong, her friend Anita Myers, and these ladies at Community Hospice, (Mom said Uh huh) Marti continued and said we would like to bring you to the nursing home today so we can care for you. (oh Mom sighed) Marti asked, "How do you feel about that?" (I had never thought about it. What if Mom broke down?) But Mom understood what was being said to her and she replied "ooh... well, I mean, it's all right." Marti said, "It won't be easy but I think All right's a good word." Mom mumbled something and then said plainly, "It's kinda hard to get someone to...." Marti understood what Mom was trying to say and said, "Yea" Then Marti asked Mom, "Can you tell me a little bit about how you feel?" "Oh" Mom said in a voice that sounded like she really hadn't thought about it. There was 7 seconds of silence and then she mumbled something. Marti didn't understand either but just said, "Is it?" and Mom said "uh Huh" then Marti said, "Well, that's fine" then asked, "Are you having any pain right now? And Mom answered with a drawn out, "No-o." Then Aunt Barb came in and told Marti that she gave her pain medicine at quarter after eight and that Dad had kept a log of everything he had given her. Then Marti told Mom she was going to let her rest while she went around the corner to see what medicines Mom was on. And said if she had any questions, they'd be glad to answer them.
I am glad I captured the audio because I can go back over it and review word for word what was said. Things can be translated and interpreted differently under stress. I am including this because Dad did not want to face Mom when they told her. I hope this will be a comfort to Dad someday. It has been a comfort to me already.
Hospice will still take care of Mom at the nursing home which is nice. She got to take her own oxygen with her. Also the wheelchair, walker and potty chair. Aunt Barb Perry packed her pajamas and robe for her. We found some of her turbans but the last couple days we have not put a turban on her. Her hair is starting to come back a little.
When I went outside, someone was walking across from Ada Olin's house. It was Carole Olin Mullins. Her dad had died from cancer in March. I had never taken the time to hear the details. I have a desire to learn from others their experiences with cancer. Most are more than happy to tell their stories. I think it is theraputic for both of us. Carole's dad had been diagnosed for 5 years but didn't get bad until the last year. Irene Allen came over also. This is all to much for her and I understand. I asked her and Carole if they would like to come in to see Mom. Carole accepted my invitation but Irene tearfully declined and walked back to her house. Again, I understand. So I brought Carole in and she said hi to Mom. Carole works 3rd shift at Knox County Nursing Home and has for years. She told me that they were bringing about 50 people to the Nursing Home this weekend that were victims of Hurricane Katrina. That should be interesting. I hope it doesn't affect the care of the regular patients.

When the ambulance came, Dad was given the option to go to the nursing home and start unloading his van or he could wait until Mom was loaded up. Dad chose to go to the nursing home. I sat there undecided and finally I decided to follow Dad. I did take a picture of the ambulance guys coming in the front door. As I was leaving I drove past the ambulance. There was a hauling truck that was in the middle of the road. I got around it and then thought I would like to have a picture of the ambulance out front. I did a u-turn at West Main and Park. I went to take the picture and forgot it was on Movie Mode and I took 4 seconds of Movie before I realized my mistake. Then it struck me. I had made my own CD with me singing karaoke songs. The song that was playing when I got in the van was "We May Never Pass This Way Again" by Seals and Crofts. It had been sung at my high school graduation back in 1974. I had always liked it. Because Dad has sold the Apartment Duplex and the fact that Mom was leaving, I decided to play that song and video around the Apartment. I took pictures of Mom's Flowers that she had planted in the spring. She had to have wood mulch put around them. We had gone to Lowe's to buy it in the spring. There was Dad's rain barrel at the end of the spout. Dad's Convertible was in the garage. I was able to video the back porch. Then I focused on the drive going out to South Street. A FedEx truck was coming from the West. I decided that was enough video taping and as I reached Park Street, I noticed they were bringing Mom to the ambulance. I was just focused on documenting the event. Then I went around the house again. I got a picture of Dad's bicycle wheel contraptions that are on either side of the drive. I swore I would accidently hit one someday but I never did. This round around the house I focused on the rest of the neighborhood. I looked North to Mr. Wilt's house and was able to video Barb and Buster's Garage. Then I spanned over to the house that Dad built for us in 1964. Alan Allen lives there now. I focused on the drive again and as I was ready to drive out, Carole and her Mom Ada were driving past on South Street. They both waved. The song was still playing in the background. As they drove by the words to the song were "You make me feel like more than a friend" then the tag line "We may never pass this way again" played as Carole and Ada waved. Could not have scripted it any better. I forgot the video was only 3 minutes long. I continued to follow the ambulance east on south st. and up to main st. He went straight and I went down main and out Market Street. I met the ambulance again at observatory house across from James Knox Park. I had taken a picture of Newman's Community School as I drove by. Both mom and her dad had gone to school there. Not actually there. It was out South of Knoxville but several years ago it was brought in town and placed in James Knox Park. But that is another story in itself.
As the ambulance headed toward the Nursing Home, I found the song, "She's an Eagle When She Flies" on my CD and played that for a minute while we pulled up to the front of the Nursing Home. Others might think it is a crazy idea, but to me this brings me comfort.
Dad had already taken some things in. He had left the back of his van open. I took out a bag of stuff and headed inside. I asked what room she was in and I was told 362.
When I got inside wing 3 I had to decide if it was A or B side. I chose B and while walking down the hall I saw a lady that looked familiar. It was Mrs. Anderson. (Doris) I called her by her name then I asked a nurse if that was who it was. But Mrs. Anderson answered me. I asked her if she remembered me and she said that she did. Who is Mrs. Anderson, you ask??
She knitted, crochetted and crafted and sold her wares in the merchant's tent at the Knox County Fair for several years. She always wore a man's straw hat. Not a wide rimmed one but the one that were shaped similarly to a cowboy hat, but even a smaller rim. I told her about Mom and I told her I would be back someday to look at her stuff.
I continued down the hallway and found Mom's room. She was laying there in a narrow bed with no side bars. I felt I had to stay there until someone could watch her because she might try to get out. She had a roommate named Mrs. Barfield from Galesburg. I spoke to her daughter who was there. She looked like she was in her mid-fifties. She also looked familiar. I asked if she had worked at Maytag but she said that her sister did but I can't remember the name, I think it was Sims. Anyway, I started up a conversation and found out about her Mom. She had been in the nursing home for 3 years. She was in her final stages of cancer. I had opened the curtain so I could keep an eye on Mom. Then a nurse came in and it was Vickie Clayton Hutchins. I had gone to school with her. I talked to her about other classmates. I really didn't know her very well in school. Then Mrs. Barfield's daughter asked when we graduated and we said 1974. She said she had graduated in 1975. Galesburg? she asked. Knoxville! Vickie and I almost barked back. After Vickie left I talk to the gal again and told her I knew people from the class of 1975 at Galesburg. I told her about David and Ed Stoneking. Not only did she know them, she had lived 2 blocks away from them on Brown. What a small world.
While we were talking a man came into the room and was documenting stuff Mom had brought. He also took her clothes to have them tagged. The gal said that he would be the one to talk to about getting railings on Mom's bed. So I walked over to him and asked him about that and he said he would look into it. Then he told me that he was with the laundry department mainly. I asked his name and he said Dick Biddle. I said he probably didn't recognize me but I was Jim Cahill's cousin and had sang in Jim's group back in the 70's. He said he remembered me then. I also asked if he was still married to Linann Lynch and he said he was. It was a busy morning.

Then a nurse came in with food for Mom. There was chicken noodle soup with big noodles, crackers, tapioca pudding, and applesauce. I asked if her food was being monitored and the nurse said no. I had been told earlier that I could go through the food line, but I couldn't leave until Dad came back. Apparently he was filling out a lot of paper work. I asked Mom if she could eat and said she didn't want anything and dozed back off. I sat by the bed and ate her soup. I also ate her pudding. I figured if she wanted more later, she could get it.

I had called the house to see if Barb (who was manning the phones) had heard from Steve. She said he and Roxie were on their way over. She also said that I needed to call Sherry. So I did. She was on her way to work but Barb had filled her in. I told Mom that Steve was coming and asked if she remembered that Steve was her son. She just looked at me and I thought this might be bad. But when Steve came in the room, she did recognize him. She didn't know who Roxie was which I think hurt Roxie. Roxie followed me out of the room and we stood out in the lobby where the big bird viewing cage is at. She was having memories of when her mom died from Lung cancer a few years ago. She gave me a couple hugs and I went back to Dad's. I had planned on getting some rest but I decided to call a few people. So I called Aunt Barb Johnson who had not heard anything about today. Then I called Aunt Marge who had heard from Aunt Kate. I also called Ramona Stickell to tell her what room mom was in. Then I called Lorene Brownless on the corner to fill her in. Irene Allen had brought over a KFC Meal. I called them to thank them but they were not home. I also called Donnie and talked to him. I finally decided to rest and less than a half hour later, Kate came in. She stayed for nearly an hour and then when she left I noticed that there were glasses that needed to be washed. As soon as I started washing them, Dad came home. I told him I had to lay down. He said Steve and Roxie would be there at 6. It was 4:15. I took the phone with me and laid down and called Donnie again. I finally got to sleep about 4:30 then Dad woke me up at 5 and said Steve had brought me a sandwich. I came out, ate, then the guy that was picking up the hospital bed came. I went around the house picking up my stuff and made sure I didn't forget anything. The bed guy got done, then Steve and Roxie were leaving to go see Mom. Dad said he would be there soon. I didn't want to leave him alone, but I had to go, too. I told Dad that what we did was right. He agrees to a point but he still feels guilty and lost. We were both in tears when I left. This has created a new bond between us.

I drove home and would cry once in a while but I knew that would impair my driving. I was so glad to get home. I laid down about 7:30 and I can't remember when I woke up but it was before 10. It is now 2:30 am. I am exhausted. I better get some sleep. It has been quite a day. I will correct things if I think of something else later.

posted by Cindy @ 4:26 AM