Audrey's Lung Cancer Story

First Family dinner without Audrey 4 16 06

I haven't felt like writing anything more until today. Thanksgiving passed by and Christmas passed by in a blur. The winter was bearable and days have turned into weeks. There is not a day that I don't stop to think about mom but it has not been emotionally crippling. Thirteen days ago I went to a meeting of the Sweet Adeline's. I have always thought it was neat that they sang barbershop quartet style music. I feel mature enough now to give it a try if they will have me. When I was there, there was a lady there that couldn't catch her breath while singing. It reminded me about the day Mom, Dad, Donnie and I sat around the kitchen table and tried to blow into a lung capacity machine. Mom kept saying that she could not reach a normal level. We made excuses for her saying it must have been sinus problems or something. This was right before we found out that she had cancer. It was just a little deja vous when this lady couldn't catch her breath. It brought back a lot of memories.
But that is not the reason I am writing tonight. Today was the first sit down dinner we have had at Dad's house. Mind you, this is the house that my first husband and I had built for us 25 years ago. This is also the home my Daughter, Sherry, has been the head of for the past 5 years. Lots of memories there. Dad had bought a spiral ham and cooked it in his oven. I had got up at 9:30 this morning and peeled potatoes with my rotato peeler. I diced them with an apple corer, slicer, and after boiling them, I ran them through a ricer. They came out pretty good. I took 2 cans of creamed style corn, a frozen bag of peas and pearl onions, and I made Jake's favorite dessert that Mom used to make, Eclaire Cake. I made it the night before, with tearful eyes.
Jake came over at 11:30 and I drove to Dad's house. Sherry and Daniel met us there. Sherry and I set the table and I heated up everything and we all sat down to eat. As I was making sure everything was ready, Dad said I think we should say grace. I told him to go ahead and he said, "Dear God, Thank you for Audrey," and Sherry and I burst into tears. Dad held on to Sherry's hand and continued with his regular grace. We were all tip toeing around it, but he said what we were all feeling. It was rough, but we made it. It was a lonely time doing dishes. But I still feel a void since Grandma Johnson, Mom's Mom passed away 13 years ago. The three of us would do dishes and gossip about neighbors and family. Today, Sherry and I did carry on that tradition, but it just wasn't the same, and it never will be. One thing that is still the same... the guys don't offer to help with the dishes!
One more thing. Sherry and Dan announced their engagement this month. Dad has told Dan he can have his wedding ring for a wedding ring. I thought that was a nice gesture. I will be writing more. This helps a lot.

posted by Cindy @ 9:08 PM